Survived another one

I just wanted to let everyone know I survived another stress/thallium test. After being poked and prodded, injected with enough radio active juice to make me glow in the dark, photographed twice, and run on a treadmill that could kill a hampster, I'm proud to say I'm still breathing! I won't get any results back until Friday and they gave me atenolol to slow my heart rate and nitro in case it decides to act up. It was an interesting experience. Everyone was extremely nice to me and it was cool to be able to see my heart beat...even if it was just a ghostly outline. I figure that as long as it continues beating all is well.

I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year. Be safe. I love you all!
Love Me

I survived!!

Just a note to let everybody know I "passed" my stress test today with only a couple of glitches. I do have an "abnormal" heartbeat (as long as it's beating who am I to complain??) and my blood pressure, during the treadmill test, didn't waiver but one point. I guess this is not a good thing because the technician took the spread sheets to a heart specialist down the hall. I told her that I had raised four children and it would take more than a treadmill test to raise my blood pressure! I guess that doesn't count. So, I have to keep a journal of what my heart does for the next week, any chest pain I continue to have, what I'm doing when I have the pain, how long it lasts, etc. Then next week I call my regular doctor and see if she is comfortable with what the specialist said or if she wants further tests done. And so it goes.

It's been a very quiet two days. Robin went back to Maui on Wednesday so now I have to get back to "normal" life on the farm. We spent 6 days of heavy duty, hard core shopping, eating, visiting, eating, movie watching, hot chocolate drinking, coffee drinking, eating, etc. Did I mention eating??? The only thing we didn't get to do was see snow. Guess Robin has to come back! I have so much left-over food in my refrigerator it's insane. Robin...if the green stuff has fuzz on it, is it bad???

Anyway, I'm off to drag my glass tools out of miscellaneous boxes, I have to find my soldering iron, flux, and lead, and get moving on my Christmas presents.

Love me

And it begins again...

It's Sunday...again. I don't know if it's the season, the weather, my upcoming doctor's appointment (which I'm kind of worried about), or just a particularly bad attitude for being awakened several times during the night by an over protective and very loud guard dog, but I find myself extremely apathetic. I don't care, don't wanna care, don't care if anyone else cares, just don't care. I thought about it yesterday when I couldn't drag my sorry butt out of my softy chair long enough to do anything constructive other than read. I'm living from day to day based solely on what I do at work.

Monday is relatively busy. First order of business is cleaning up the mess left from the weekend. How is it possible for a few "responsible" adults to make such a mess in two short days. It makes me angry that these people have no respect for "my space". It's probably very childish of me to feel this way, but it makes me angry to have to clean up after a bunch of adults who don't have the common courtesy to do it themselves. Anyway, the next order of business is to print out all the reports needed to cover weekend deliveries, salvage reports, recalls, transfers, etc. and deliver it to each department. Then I get to scan out all the salvage, board it up, wrap it up, and tag it to go out on the truck that night. Sue, the book lady comes in around noonish and puts out the books and magazines that arrived on Thursday the prevous week and I gear up to check out the returns when she's finished. I anticipate the truck arriving around 3:00 so have to get all boards ready to go out, find out how many are coming in, explain to a certain person at work in very small words what is going out, where everything is, what everything is, and try desperately not to choke the life out of her when all else fails! She is a nice person, but has to mini-micro-manage everything and everyone and makes Hitler look like a pansey! After the truck comes in, Monday is pretty much done. I go home, play with Bella, eat something, check mail, go to bed. Tuesday is easy. Go in, print reports, do salvage, scan out any books or magazines missed the day before (which isn't likely unless Sue didn't finish), then look busy for the rest of the day until the second truck of the week arrives. Wednesday...pretty much the same except I have to print the exception report and make sure all department have their copy and know what product outs to look for and adjust. Thursday is busy day again. It's double truck night so any salvage that has to go out needs to be scanned, toted, wrapped, and tagged. It's also books and magazines day which means I have to make room for approximately 8 shopping carts full of product as well as room for all the boards of stuff going out on the evening truck. Then, after lunch I check in numerous totes of books and magazines. Friday is my early day. I'm up at 4:00, at work by 5:30, clock in at 6:00. Friday is my transfer report day so I pick up all in-store transfers from other departments to log in the computer. Sue comes in today to put out the weekly magazines so I'll have a few to scan out. Other than that, UPS and Fed-X are the only other deliveries I'll have. And so ends my week. Ta Daaaaa!

Maybe my lack of ambition, for lack of a better word, is because I miss my children. Don't get me wrong here, I will not live with or closely to my children because ultimately we would end up killing each other, but I miss seeing my grandchildren...even though web cams are such a wonderful thing...it's not the same as getting that special hug and sloppy wet kisses. I miss that a lot. I miss being able to do something special when my granddaughter is one grade away from honor roll...I'm so proud of her. I miss my family. I don't get up as often as I'd like to see Jim and family, I don't get to see Bob and Linda nearly enough, I don't get to see Jean enough either. After so many years we are all so "close" and yet we are all so different and so wrapped up in our own lives that we've "lost" each other. I find that very sad. On the other hand, of course, since we are all so very different now we would probably kill each other after an hour or so.

Maybe I am depressed...although I can't understand why. I have so many things to be thankful for, so many blessings in my life, my friends and family, my constant companions, Bella and Mittens, I don't understand this feeling and I don't like it. I just can't seem to get around it for some reason. I think I'll dig out my glass to day and try to get my sorry butt motivated. I may even be able to go outside and get the insulation up on my windows. I have to do something other than hide inside myself.

Don't panic, it's probably just one of those "feel sorry for myself" kind of days and I had to vent to keep myself relatively sane. I'm going to find my glass and make myself busy. I'm not quite able to go outside yet, but maybe that will come later today. Go hug someone with your whole body...it makes you feel better. Love me

How to spell Pfffttttttt!

I'm tired to the depths of my soul.

There has been entirely too much death and sadness this past couple of weeks.

I'm sitting here wishing I was Alice and this was one of the "good" mushrooms she got to take a bite out of...but no such luck!

Nothing much to say, just hoping everyone had a good weekend. It's almost over, and before long we'll get to start all over again...too fast it flies.

Love me

And Life Goes On

I have absolutely nothing of value to impart! I have no words of wisdom, no profound thoughts, nada! It's been one of those kiss my butt kind of days where people run around like chickens with their head cut off, making lots of noise and a mess, but not doing anything of any real importance. But then, I guess it all looks good on paper! There were only a couple of people today who actually did any real work...but they're good like that.

The highlight of my day, however, was a package I received from my daughter Chrissy, well, actually it was sent by her "bunkie" Patricia. Chrissy learned to crochet and made me a lap blanket of many colors. It is so special because, #1 she made it for me, #2 it's like all those cool things your kids make for moms when they are in grade school, the things you save for 100 years and show everyone years later, and #3 because she had a friend, Patricia, who took the time to put on the finishing touches for her and mail it to me because Chrissy has been transferred and they wouldn't let her take it with her. It's something I will hold very dear for many years to come.

The elections are over tomorrow...thank the lord...I am so tired of getting election calls. I even had someone start calling me at 4:00 in the morning! I was soooo upset. It's bad enough that one group called 17 times during the day, but then they turned around and figured they would get me at 4:00 a.m. Not the time to call me if you want my vote! Anyway, it's almost over and then the real fun begins. But since I hate politics...that's all I have to say on that subject!

I hope everyone's Monday was a good one. Mine is looking better and better. If I get up enough energy I might hit the hot tub tonight, I'm feeling old and rickety. I feel like the fence that surrounds an old abandon house sitting high on a hill. My boards are all crooked and bent over, most are covered with prickly vines and weeds, and all are seriously faded and worn looking. And the scarey thing is...it's only Monday!

Love Me

The Pumpkin Patch

I had forgotten the joy of taking my children to a pumpkin patch to hand-select their own special jack-o-lantern. This past weekend I travelled, once again, down I-5 with my trusty co-pilot riding shotgun on my shoulders to sunny Sacramento. The ultimate purpose was Dylan's dedication on Sunday. The fun part was two-fold. First, we all went to watch Brianna play soccer. Her team won 6-2! She did an amazing job and it was fun watching her play. Second, we went to Apple Hill (along with the rest of the west coast) to several different farms. I guess this is quite an annual thing, because there were about 50 different areas for kids with corn mazes, hay mazes, lots of different pumpkin patches to choose from, pony rides, petting zoos, etc. For the adults there were craft booths, the Fudge Farm, and numerous places where you could do wine tasting. We stopped several times and took the boys out walking up and down hills, up and down stairs, through the fields, down the apple lanes, up to the petting zoo, then back to the car for another farm further down the lane. We had freshly made apple cider, almost had apple cobbler but the line was too long and not moving nearly fast enough. At the end of the day we were exhausted but pleased with our day. The drive home was extremely slow (because the rest of the west coast decided to go home as well) but we arrived safely home.

Another special memory for me on Saturday evening, after everything had settled down and we had eaten dinner. Tyler came up to David and said, "Daddy, can we go outside and play catch in the park." For David I think that was the icing on the cake. He has always wanted to have his son ask him to go play catch. The look on his face was priceless.

Sunday was the day for Dylan's dedication. Brianna asked me what a dedication was. (Great...no one said there was going to be a test!) After thinking for a minute (without a Kit Kat bar) I asked her if she remembered inviting God into her heart when she was baptized. I explained that Dylan was too small to make that decision yet so being dedicated was like becoming a book-mark in God's book, so that if anything ever happened, he would go straight to heaven because he already had a place set aside especially for him. Anyway, that seemed to answer the question for her so all was well. Debbie took pictures for me so I have some wonderful memories of the day.

Monday it was time to come home. It's gets harder and harder to leave everyone. Brianna is growing into a beautiful young woman, Tyler has hit the terrible two's with a vengence, and Dylan is content to just hang out with his brother. I envy Tonia. I'm so glad she is able to stay home with the boys and watch them grow. I missed all those important milestones with my own kids.

Anyway, I have a gazillion pictures, I developed 178 of them today to share with everyone, and will pass the really special ones on to family and friends. As I settle in for the night I just want to say again how truly blessed I am with all my children and family and friends. I couldn't be any richer than this.

Love me

My Dash

My brother Bob passed this link on to me. For me it was a powerful kick in the pants because I have a few friends who are fast approaching the end of their dash. It makes me wonder. It makes me hope that I've been a positive influence in someone's life, that I've been able to make a difference to someone. I hope so. I hope you enjoy this and reflect on your own dash.

Love Me



<http://www.dashpoemmovie.com/>

It's Almost Over

Ahhhh...the joy of fall. Today turned out to be a pretty good day once the nip of frost was chased away. I was supposed to go to a birthday party today but it was postponed a week. In place of doing that, I decided to play Mr. Fix-It and repair the hot tub that has had a serious leak in one of the hose drain-out widgets. I went to the hot tub place and, of course, they didn't have said replacement widget. On the up side, the nice young man did have the name of a man who does general maintenance and repair for hot tubs so next year, when I have a little more money, I can have that penny on a piece of tin sound repaired. Anyway, I headed for Home Depot next, thinking that they have spa stuff, surely they would have the hose drain-out widget that I needed. No such luck. Adding insult to injury, I couldn't even find the thin furring strips I need to weather-proof my windows. This kind of stuff can't be that hard to find...or at least it shouldn't be. Having struck out at Home Depot, I headed for Fred Meyer where I found my hose drain-out widget in the garden center, plumber's tape...and I got a free cookie from the nice bakery lady! One-stop shopping...ya gotta love it! So now we drive home and put on the gloves and see how capable we are in the fix-it department. Obstacle #1 turned out to be the fact that in order to replace said hose drain-out widget thing...you have to drain out the entire hot tub because if you squish the rubber hose with vice grips to block the water you could crack it which would open up a whole new can of worms...so...drain it I did (crap!). It takes a couple of hours to drain, so I figured I'd get the lawn mowed...front and back...since it has rained and the grass is now nice a green and deep. The front lawn was really easy, since it hadn't grown as much as the back, but I did discover that I need to clean out the gutters again. The back yard was a little more serious, but I whipped my new mower into rabbit mode and was dragged screaming around the yard in fine fashion! I had to dump the grass catcher every second row, but I don't think I hurt myself this time (but it's still early so the verdict is still out on that one). By now the hot tub is drained, old widget removed, hose end cleaned, dried, plumber's tape applied, and new hose-drain-out widget applied. Not too hard...and it worked. So now to re-fill the hot tub and heat it up...because you know I'm going to need it later! A few more trips around the yard in rabbit mode and the lawn is finished. I replace the fire pit and bench, got rid of the piles of dirt from the mole hills, and...CRAP...I forget about the hot tub filling up and now it's over flowing. Let's test out that new little hose drain-out widget...works like a charm. So tub is drained a little, chlorine added, and all is as it should be. I really have to see about replacing that lid, it weighs about 2oo pounds.

I also had my lawn service guys start giving my trees and shrubs some tender loving care. For the low-low price of $54 per visit, they show up 7 times a year and treat, feed, fertilize, and otherwise care for all my trees and shrubs. They have done a tremendous job with the lawn so far, so I figured I'd have them take care of my trees and shrubs as well. It's one less thing I have to worry about, they will do it properly and in a timely fashion, and my property value will increase because my trees won't be dead. It's a win/win situation as far as I'm concerned.

Anyway, it's getting dark now and I need to go grab a cup of tea and unwind. It's been a good day. All my children have called me, my brothers have called me, life is good. Here's hoping everyone had a great Saturday.

Love Me

Wishes in the Wind

Wouldn't it be nice to be a "wish"? It would be great to be tossed into the wind to follow the currents, see new things, feel everything, discover life. Too many times in life we are forced to be the "pod", anchored to the ground and unable to rise with the winds. There need to be more wishes in the wind.

Love me

The Sounds of Morning

As I look back, it was cold where I sat alone in the dark. The brisk night air wrapped itself around me and burrowed under the collar of my coat. The silence was absolute for the few minutes it took to determine that I was no real threat, and as if breathing a sign of relief the crickets started chirpping and others rustled in the grass.

Now, a sunrise should really have its own theme music like Mission Impossible or Get Smart. It needs to be something that starts out so low and deep it makes your spine tingle in anticipation. As the sky slowly beings to lighten the music builds, weaving it's notes around your head like so many mosquitos. Before too long the sun explodes over the mountain top and the music reaches it's zenith so beautiful and pure it makes your heart catch and tears come to your eyes. The music softly drifts away as the sun pours down to the valley sweeping away the last lingering shadows of night.

The early morning mist is chased up the mountain from the valley floor bringing a faint smell of campfire smoke that forces you to take a deep breath to try and capture a distant memory of childhood camping trips. The sound of a train snaking through the valley is quickly followed by the sound of tractors growling into the fields to begin the endless job of cutting or plowing, and there is nothing quite so sweet as the smell of dew on freshly cut hay.

The sun has finally pushed it's way up the mountain and chased the night's chill from under my coat. The sounds of morning have blended into the white noise from the valley below. I hope age doesn't steal my ability to remember special times like when I climbed the mountain to sit by a small stream to watch morning happen. I hope I can continue to hear a symphony in a sunrise and the sounds of morning rising up.

Here's to every sunrise and every sunset, may they always be more than just an indication of the weather.

Love me

Awesome Power

Today I received a picture in the mail from Chrissy. It shows her being baptized. The smile on her face is incredible. It eased my heart to see her more at peace with herself. Granted, prison is not the place I would have preferred her to find her path to God, but He does work in mysterious ways. She looks so much better than the last picture I saw of her. She looks at peace with herself, and I haven't seen that in a very long time. I am very proud of the progress she has made, and hope that she continues to grow and learn.

I am always amazed at the detail my camera picks up. You can even see the individual drops of water as the wave crashes down. Not bad for 100 feet away. We had an absolutely incredible day at the beach on Saturday. It was an easy day. The sun was shining, the weather was just cool enough to warrant carrying a sweater, but you didn't really need one. The smell of the ocean was so fresh. I regained my sense of calm at the beach. The sound of the waves rolling to shore seem to wash over your soul and ease one's mind. It allows you to forget, just for a minute, the craziness of every day life.

I saw some kids playing in the stream that ran to the ocean. They ran along the bank and threw themselves into the water, laughing and screaming as kids are prone to do. Now I know from experience how bloody cold that water is, but also remember that when we were kids, it didn't seem to be that cold. We could walk in the surf with the waves crashing into us and not be fazed at all. I wonder when I grew up? I wonder when I lost that childhood ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound and run faster than a speeding bullet.

It was an amazing day with great friends, good food, and good times. I think I need to stop and smell more roses, linger over hot cups of tea, and wiggle my toes in the sand. Let's play some more!

Love me

People...Scarey Creatures!

I don't know whether I should be afraid, cautious, or what. I witnessed an actual "run" on a bank today. With Washington Mutual stock dropping from $14 to $1.25 per share, I watched people rush into WaMu and withdraw all their money. There were lines of people pushing and shoving, getting angry and frantic because the lines weren't moving fast enough. It made me wonder what it had to have been like back in the day when the stock market crashed and how the people reacted then. What frightening animals we are.

I have my retirement funds tied up with Merril Lynch. Is it safe? I don't know. Can I do anything about it? Nope! Will I be left with nothing? Possibly. There are plenty of people who will rush to put the blame of this on the president (why not, he's as easy to blame as the next man) Lord save us from politicians and all things political, or anything different than what we personally believe in. I get so tired of hearing people bitch and moan about how "bad" things are and how things will change with a new president, or a different this or that. Maybe...but what scares me more are these same people who are so far up on the soap box that they can't "see or hear" anything negative about their candidate or their way of thinking, people who are so fanatical about something that they have blinders on to anything else. This scares me.

What I do believe is that we are in for a change. I don't know what it will be, if it will be good or bad, but it is coming. I also believe in God and that He does have a plan for me. I'm really not a very good christian, not the faithful church-going kind. But I do believe I'm on a path set out for me and that I all I have to do is ask for guidance and it will be there in some form or other. I also have to understand and accept that sometimes when I ask for things the answer is "no".

Am I afraid? Yep! Does it do any good? Nope...just makes me careful.

There really isn't any point to this rambling, just an observation of sorts. I can't change the world, just try and pad my little piece of it. I can't let the events of the day force me behind closed doors to the point where I can't find the beauty in the petals of a rose.

Peace out! Love me

Nectar of the Gods

Bella and I travelled to La Grande this weekend. After a short hike up the mountain to the spring (it was soooo much easier 40 years ago) we got to drink fresh spring water from the pipe. We bottled some up to take home with us.

So many things have changed yet so many things have stayed the same. It's nice to know that the well hasn't run dry.

O.M.G.!!!

It just so sucks to get old! Yesterday was such a nice day, cloudy in the morning and cool. I started out my day with a nice hot cup of coffee and surveyed my domain, mentally creating a list of "things to do today". First on the list was trimming the back yard edges in order to make things look sharp. That was a job in itself. My new gas powered trimmer is wonderful (particularly if you are 6 feet tall) and gets nice and close. It didn't take too much time to do all the edges of the fence, sidewalk, and shed, then clean up the trimmer and then I was ready for the lawn. By this time the sun has come out and it's getting a little warm. Not a problem...lots of ice water at the ready! So I mowed and dumped, and mowed some more, and dumped some more. Most of what I was dumping out of the catcher bag wasn't grass, it was leaves and pine cones and hazel nut shells...which are surprisingly heavy after the 4th or 5th load. By the time I was finished I was dehydrated, heat exhausted, dirty, had walked through countless spider webs (which of course makes one do the famous screaming, crazy flapping hand-waving dancing circle). I cleaned my mower, put everything away, took off my filthy clothes and collapsed on my bed...mistake #1! After about 10 minutes of "resting" I tried to get up to shower some of the grime off only to discover that every muscle I had used had decided to go on strike and freeze up on me causing untold pain every time I tried to move. After going over in my head the best ways to move which would cause the least amount of pain, I finally rolled off the bed and crawled to the shower...I feel much better now...or at least cleaner. Now the problem arose as to what I was going to wear. What can I put on that I don't have to raise my arms to get into (use of arms), or bend over to pull on (also use of arms) which pretty much narrowed it down to nothing, so I crawled back into bed and called it good.

Now Bella is the best of companions, as far as companions go. She sleeps beside me, goes for car rides with me, plays games of catch with me, and loves me unconditionally. Unfortunately, in the boy I really need something to drink and eat will you go get it for me department, she's pretty much worthless. This meant that I had to again, figure out how to get out of bed with the least amount of pain, shuffle to the kitchen in a bent-over position because straightening up was just not happening, then finding something to eat that didn't involve the microwave (raising the arms issue) or dishes (again with the arms) which pretty much narrowed down my choice to grapes because they were in the middle drawer of the fridge, and water...glass on counter, water in middle of fridge as well.

Today is Sunday! Today I can raise my arms! I can't move very well otherwise, but the arms are working fine. I also can't walk in a full upright position since I must have tweaked my back some how. Ah well, the back yard looks great! Just so you don't think I'm a big whinny wuss over mowing my yard, I also trimmed three trees, whacked the branches into tiny pieces and put it all in the yard debris container for disposal. Not too shabby for half a days work.

Well, I'm off to do the laundry for work tomorrow. I may have to make use of the hot tub tonight, which means I have to go out and clear away the spider webs so we don't have a repeat of the screaming dance in the back yard...makes the neighbors wonder just what kind of parties I have!

Love me

You can never go home again

It's hard to let go of childhood memories. I don't mean forgetting them, but instead relegating them to the "good old days" shelf in the back of my mind's closet. I tried once, years ago, to share the excitement of Christmas with my children. I showed them the wonder of hiking up the mountain in the snow to select the perfect Christmas tree, to cut it down and drag it home to decorate and display in all it's glory. I wanted to share the experience of breathing in the crisp winter air and the smell of pine trees and meadow grass. Unfortunately, my wonderful childhood memory didn't turn out to be theirs. Having been born and raised in the city, their "wonderful" experience pretty much included driving to the corner lot and picking out a "nice" tree that had been cut in early November and didn't shed too many needles when whacked on the ground. I felt hurt that they didn't feel the same joy I had felt. It wasn't until years later that I learned that my children had different wonderful memories and although they weren't the same as mine, they were just as precious to them.

Going home will always be special, but it can never be "going home" again. Everything I hold dear from my childhood will only ever be mine and not shared by my children. Sunday, when I was "home" I walked up to the meadow and listened to the birds and the sound of the wind whispering through the pines. I sat for a while in the crook of an old tree and listened very hard. In the fringes of my memory I could hear the sound of children laughing as they rolled down the hill in the back yard. I could see them riding down the hill in the wagon going hell bent for leather and only turning at the last second to prevent crashing into the house. I can see them climbing trees, building forts, planning, plotting, and saving the world from the evils of man. How sad it is that we can never go home again, but how precious those memories are.

There was so much love built into the home that my father built, so many life lessons. Although the actual words were never said, we were loved by our parents. I can never be as good a parent as my parents were to me, but hope that I passed along at least some of their strength and wisdom to my own children.

Waiting, watching, wishing...

I'm so very thankful my family and their children. Jim and LeAna and boys just left for home. The house is quiet again, no splashing in the hot tub, no airplane sounds or batman cars racing up and down the driveway, no fussing, no fighting, no Kiera and Bella playing and barking...soooooo quiet...too quiet. Don't get me wrong, I love my solitude, being able to sit quietly, but I have to say I miss the noise.

While in California, I grew accustomed to Ty Ty sticking his head out of his room in the morning and whispering (loudly) "Grandma!" I miss hearing Dylan fussing for dinner, I miss Tonia, David, and Debbie laughing and joking around, I miss Brianna and all her questions (such an intelligent girl). They all seem to grow up so quickly now days.

I feel like Bella, waiting at the door, watching patiently, and wishing they would hurry back, and a rocky chair when the waiting gets to be too much.

Love you all, hurry back. Love me

Good morning Neverland!

This little beauty is in the garden center at work. I took my camera to work yesterday to catch a few shots of some really pretty flowers. This is an african daisy. My friend Linda said that I should make prints of some of my pictures and sell them on e-bay. Personally, I don't think anyone would spend money for something like this, but what do I know...there are people spending thousands of dollars on a cheese sandwich with a scorch mark that "looks like" the madonna.

Just wanted to share this morning...have a wonderful Thursday! Love me.

Ahhhhh Instructions

It's funny how much you can learn if you only read the instruction booklet! Now that I found out how some of the settings work, a whole other world has opened up. I need to get a tripod for some more detailed, up close and personal pictures. I have ideas running around in my head for shots I want to take. I wonder if there are classes I can take to get better at this? Of course, I also have to take into consideration the vast amounts of photos I'm starting to accumulate and where the heck am I going to put them all! I don't want to be that person people avoid because of "family pictures".

Anyway, I just wanted to pass along my enthusiasm and joy in finding a new toy.

Happy Tuesday...love me.

Amazing!

Wow! I started reading the instruction booklet for my camera and found out that I can actually take a picture of something, specify what item I'm focusing on, and that item will be the only item in color and everything else will be in black and white! Now for all you camera experts out there...shut up! This is really an exciting thing for someone who only has a PHD mentality (push here dummy). Now that summer is beginning to come to a close, my garden is starting to blossom into all kinds of different colors that I'm just now discovering. I didn't pay much attention last year as I was so involved with doing the little things that come with owning a new house. This year I'm starting to pay attention to the little things and it's really cool.

I hope you all enjoy my new-found discoveries and get at least a touch of the joy I'm having in finding them.

Love you all...me.

My home is my castle

It's always amazed me how some homes can be built in the strangest places! This humble abode was set up in the side of an old antique shop in North Powder. The building was erected in 1889, and was built primarily of large blocks of stone that you can still see chisel marks where the builders evened out the surface. The hole itself is about the size of a fity cent piece, and if you were sitting on the bench in front of the store, it would be right behind your left ear...or right ear if you sat at the other end of the bench. Imagine trying to build your little nest in the east side of a stone mountain, where the sun hits most of the day, and the temperature gets in the hundreds, there is little or no water readily available, and there are giants moving in and out of your way all day long! Talk about persistence!

I can only hope I have the strength and persistence that these little builders had to continue fixing up my little castle. I also hope I can stand the test of time better than these little guys did after someone sprayed the crap out of them with Raid! Ahhhh, life's little challenges.

Sleep well.
Me

Life through the bars

Do you ever just sit and watch life go by? Do you ever just go through the motions of the day, every day, and wonder "what the hell am I doing here?" I wonder sometimes if I had done things differently how my life would have turned out...different people...different experiences...different ends...but then I think not. I wouldn't give up having my children for the world. Maybe I would do things differently for them, but actually they turned out pretty darned good...with a few tweaks we're still working on!

I guess I wonder when I gave up "living" and only concentrated on making it through till tomorrow, and when I did, hooray for me let's do it one more time but forgot somehow while making it through, to take a little piece and set it aside for myself. I think I finally did when I bought my house because I LOVE my house and the peace it brings me and the fun we all have when we all get together here. I guess I'm afraid that I might end up like the crazy cat lady on the corner who scares children...which might not be all that bad, come to think about it! When did silence get painful? I need to find Picard's Flute solo and ease my nerves.

Damn what a day...is it only Tuesday??? Okay, I'm beginning to ramble now, I guess my mind is just tired and the craziness begins to creep in to mess with me. Too many things happening with no reason, too many questions and no answers, too much pain and not enough to stop it...too much to handle tonight. I guess I'll play again tomorrow, I won the game for another day. Hooray for me.

Sleep well my friends, it begins again tomorrow.
Me

Truely my butterfly garden

Yesterday when I came home from work there were several butterflies playing in my garden. I was fortunate enough to capture this beauty before he and his buddy flew off.

It's so pretty in my yard...the grass isn't so green right now, but I know that will fix itself. There are so many things I'd like to do, then I change my mind and come up with another version of the same idea. Crazy people do that ya know!

I bought myself a new chair today! It's a deep rust color, very softy and comfortable. So now, when I have company, they can sit in the big chair and not the lawn rocky chair. I've wanted another chair for the "den" for a long time and have admired this chair for a while now. Well, today it went clearance and I got a $429 for $87!! I do so love a bargain. Of course, getting it home was another story altogether. I had to take the feet off, shove it back first into the trunk of my car, bungee cord it to within an inch of it's life, and drive verrrrrry carefully home. It now sits proudly next to my other softy chair in the TV room.

Well, that's it for tonight. My head is pounding and tomorrow is my early day which means rise and shine at 4:00 a.m.

Good night neverland!

Love me

Deep Sigh

Ok...this really bites! Robin boards her plane back to Maui in 15 minutes and I'm sitting here at home feeling extremely sorry for myself. (Don't panic children, it's ok for me to do...it's in the mother's handbook under "what to do when things really suck!")

I consider myself truely blessed in my children. They all are constantly doing such wonderful things for me, and it makes me so thankful I let them all live during the "growing years". This past week has been great. Robin and I spent the night at the beach and just relaxed. We got squeaky cheese and Mo's clam chowder, we got rained on and sand in our shoes and had a great time.

I won't drag on, but I wanted you to know how truely thankful I am.
Love me

A good thing...I think

Chrissy called yesterday to let me know that her application for being placed in a half-way house has been accepted. This means she will be transferred back to Denver, then back to Pueblo to the half-way house. Now I'm not really sure what this ultimately means for her. I don't know how it works once she gets there, whether it will be a "house" or another facility where she checks in and out every day. I don't know if she will get help finding a job, or even what will be expected of her. She is very excited and will be eligible for parole in July, 2009.

Personally, I have mixed feelings...and isn't that a horrible thing to say. I am afraid that if she gets to this half-way house, unless it's very structured and she has a tight rein put on her and she is guided through what she has to do, that she may slip back to her old ways. It's horrible to feel this way, not giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I also know that if things get too hard or too confusing, she takes the easy way. My only blessings are that 1) Dan (aka jerk-off) is in jail and probably will be for oh...say...104 years; 2) Chrissy doesn't want to go back to jail; and 3) she has been going to church and become involved with a prayer group that has seemed to help her emotionally. I know that many who read this will scoff at the church part, but Chrissy has always had lots of questions about God and the bible and now is in a position to have all her questions answered and has discovered, for herself at least, that having faith does keep you going. Maybe God does have a plan for her after all.

Well, tomorrow morning I go to the DMV and renew my license. I went yesterday morning to the Office of Vital Statistics and got my "official" birth certificate, I have my social security card, my tax information, my proof of residency...and a note from my mother...and BOY that one was tough! My only concern is not passing the eye exam, since I'm blind as a bat for reading anything without my glasses. I'm ok for distance, but who knows!

Well, I'm off to do some laundry, water the lawn, do the dishes, take the trash out, pick up the weeds I pulled this morning while picking roses, and if time allows, I may clean the laundry room!

Love to all...me

Too hot for me!!

What a weekend! Jim and family arrived Thursday evening and after pizza and drinks we all jumped into the hot tub and relaxed...as much as you can relax with two little boys with more energy than anyone should be allowed to have! Friday was an early day for me so I tip-toed around sleeping bodies so I could leave for work without waking anyone. After a day spent shopping where LeAna bought a really cool lap top computer (which I really want one of) Jim and family took off for Hood River to drive Jean's car to La Grande, while Jean took her RV up. What a good brother!

Saturday was a scorcher at 102 degrees. Too hot to do anything I wanted to do which was stain the gazebo. So I decided to do pretty much nothing...except go to the baby shower for the daughter of a friend of mine. I was late much of the day since I didn't crawl out of bed until 10:00 which is really odd for me, then I slept in my chair till I was almost late for the shower, then when I got home I slept again. Talk about lazy! I put up a little kiddy pool for Bella to enjoy (yeah right...she thought I was going to drown her) and lay in the hammock for a while.

Today started out hot as well. by noon we hit the high 90's then the thunder rolled in and the temp dropped to the 80's, then the lightening started and the rain hit. Lucky me...I don't have to water the lawn.

So all in all it was a good weekend. Tomorrow we begin again. I need to go make Linda's smoothie and get it into the freezer. Linda is my friend from work...we go back many many years. She had cancer, went into remission, but after 7 years, it came back. Now she is doing the chemo pills and it makes her feel pretty crappy so I make her a fruit smoothie every day with fresh fruit, vanilla yogurt, fruit juice, protein powder and nutritional yeast. She likes it, says it gives her a little energy, so I make one for her every day. Makes me feel like I'm doing something, even if it's really nothing.

Anyway, it's off to finish the laundry and gear up for another week. I have to get my driver's licence renewed this week...and of course that's going to be a huge pain in the butt because I have to have a copy of my birth certificate (which I don't have) my social security card, proof of citizenship, proof of address, I have to answer some medical questions and take an eye exam. After doing all that, I STILL have to pay $39 for the stupid license and have my picture taken again...and you know how much I HATE cameras. Sucks to get old!

Sweet dreams...love me

It's times like this...

It's at times like this when it's late at night and so very quiet, that I feel the most lonely. I think it may be because I have been so blessed in my children and their chosen mates, so blessed with my grandchildren. They are so bright and full of life and love. I miss very much the laughter and smiles, and even the constant activity and turmoil. They are all so far away from me now and it makes me ache sometimes.

It's times like this that make me second guess myself and some of the decisions I've made in my life that impacted my children and family. Was I right in my decisions or did I take the easy way out; did I raise them the best I knew how or was I more friend than mother. I am continually amazed at how smart my children turned out to be... in spite of me...or maybe because they learned from my mistakes what not to do.

I want you all to know how proud I am of my children, I don't think I ever can say it enough. I am proud of who they are and the wonderful people they turned out to be.

I guess I'm just feeling my mortality tonight. It's been a bad body day and suddenly I just felt I should let you all know how much I love you. I guess that all for now...Monday draws to a close and Tuesday's coming up the drive. Sweet dreams!

Love Me

Remember those dominos???

You would like to think that when someone puts something together...say...like a gazebo over a hot tub...that they would do it in a uniform manner. For example, when installing the cool panels at the top common sense at least would say screw the screws in in the same direction, or common courtesy for the next schmuck who follows after wanting to pressure wash all the green gunk off and make it look pretty again. (We're getting to the dominos) In order to pressure the top panels, each one has to be unscrewed to be removed. I am armed with my handy dandy cordless drill, my safety goggles (didn't need a hat...no stain this time) a little hand screw driver...just in case, and my two ladders...ready for bear as the saying goes. The first panel comes off without any trouble at all. Four screws and presto! I prop the panel up against two chairs and wishy wishy wash! Up the ladder and put it back...down the ladder...move ladder...up the ladder to panel #2. Two screws out, one is stripped...down the ladder for pliers...up the ladder...yank that sucker out! Panel two comes down...wishy wishy wash. You get the picture. On side 3 who ever put this baby up had to have gotten bored because the screws are going in from top to bottom, are in strange places, and are stipped...down the ladder...LARGE hammer...up the ladder!

Anyway, after several hours the gazebo is now mostly free of green stuff...and stain...so now I can buy some stain and make it pretty again.

(And the dominos continue to fall) As I'm standing back admiring my new masterpiece, I look over to the back fence and see Aragon, the big service dog from next door, stuck half way through my new fence. He has decided to come over and play with Bella, but after forcing a fence board down, can't seem to fit all the way through the single hole. In order to get him out I have to pull down another fence board. I then have to go call Michael next door to make sure the dog hasn't been hurt, find some nails and go fix my new fence.

I'm done now and sitting in my softy chair wondering whatever possessed me to begin this project! Tomorrow I have to re-pressure wash some of the gazebo because I can see several spots I missed...and I can't apply new stain over missed spots!

I've decided I'm entirely too damn old to do stuff like this! Everything in my body aches now...it's a good ache, but an ache none the less. But in spite of everything, it sure feels good to sit down at the end of the day and know that it's mine.

Oh, I almost forgot the most important part! After finishing putting the gazebo back together and putting everything else away, I was standing there admiring and smelled Mom's perfume. It was like she was standing right there admiring along side me. Made the whole thing worth while!

Love me

From my heart to yours

Imagine what I could do with this camera if I read the instructions!

Well, my weekend is laid out for me. I'm going to borrow the pressure washer from work and pressure wash my gazebo and, if I have enough energy left, add a coat or two of linseed oil. Hopefully it will pull my gazebo out of it's dried up condition and make it look as nice as the rest of the back yard. I also have to get some special screws to fill in the missing ones from the skirting on the hot tub. Damn...I can see the dominos beginning to fall already!

Today wasn't bad. It was an extremely bad body day, but I get those. Work is work, still have people that just make you shake your head and wonder. I'm absolutely positive people wonder about where my brains are at times. Have you ever had to work with someone who, for no apparent reason whatsoever, just has the ability to annoy the crap out of you by just walking in the room? I have one of those, and it's all I can do to be nice. Ah well, the world is full of unique individuals.

Well, happy Thursday and here's to Friday!

Love Me

On the downhill slide

Ahhhh, mid-week is upon us again and we start the downhill slide. It amazes me how some companies survive in this cut-throat world. For example, today I received 3 boxes of fixtures that had been ordered for our health and beauty aids dept. Unfortunately, they were the wrong fixtures so we have to return them. According to RTC (said company) in order to return the fixtures, they have to be in UNopened boxes (which of course I had already opened one to see what was in the stupid thing...common sense if you ask me) we have to pay for the return shipment (which is a given since it was our mistake) there is a 15% re-stocking fee (common, but it can't be that hard to toss 2 boxes back on a shelf) AND if the boxes are damaged in transit back to them, we don't get credit at all. It makes my brain hurt thinking of what an incredible waste of time this is, but have to remember that IT'S NOT MY NICKEL!

The above picture is of one lone little sprout coming out of the side of my hazelnut tree in the back yard. I got a little camera crazy yesterday and took some flower shots.

Tonight when I got home I decided to make a dent in the back 40. I took the pick-axe and picked my way through and under the two juniper stump remains from the bushes I whacked down last year. My ultimate goal is to get rid of the railroad ties, pull up all the shade cloth (about 200 miles of it) plant bamboo against the north and east fence line, and seed some nice grass in the rest of the area. Right now it's an oasis of weeds and not much else. I also have to remember that it doesn't have to be done immediately. I'm going to be here for a while so I can take my time. I can't seem to get over the feeling that it needs to be done NOW.

Anyway, sore muscles are winning out so it's time to end today's ramble and head for the hot tub.

Yup...I made it!

When Pete and Robin were here, Pete started on my "Honey-Do" list and pulled out the ugly boxwood hedge that ran the length of the front porch. He then raked a river full of rocks out, dug holes, and planted the roses that Robin and I picked out. This one is being dedicated to Mom, since she loved yellow roses. Tomorrow it will be two years since she died. It's hard to believe that time has passed so quickly. Anyway, here's to you mom, I hope you like it!

Last Friday my lawn people put down a turf builder/greener upper and a weed killer. Well, now my beautiful green lawn is kind of yuky brown...seems the only green in my yard was the weeds! I mowed it tonight and since it's going to rain in the next couple of days, I'm hoping the greener-upper stuff will kick in and build that turf back up. I figure I'm going to have to do my mowing early on a Saturday when I have lots of energy. I used the rabbit mode on the new mower Pete got me and the kids next door had a good laugh when it dragged me screaming around the lawn...those corners around the tree are sketchy in rabbit mode!

I'm heading for the hot tub now, all that exercise made these old bones ache. Love to all my family, hope your Tuesday was as energetic as mine. Love Me!

Monday's Words of Wisdom

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

So love the people who treat you right.

Love the ones who don't just because you can.

Believe everything happens for a reason.

If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.

If it changes your life, let it.

Kiss slowly.

Forgive quickly.

God never said life would be easy.

He just promised it would be worth it.

Ya gotta love words of wisdom, no matter how strange things turn out to be. Monday turned out to be a typical Monday...clean up the office from the weekend...it's like leaving the kids home alone for the weekend...ya come back and there is crap everywhere! When I was growing up, when my parents left us alone, we had parties that would bring down the house. BUT...when the parents came home, that house was spotless! That's how they always knew about the parties...the house was always cleaner then when they left. Ah well, we lived and learned.
Here's to a more organized Tuesday.

In all of my Butterfly Garden, there is one white poppy amid the orange and pink and lavender.

Father's Day

This is something new for me. I need to keep myself positive and moving forward and maybe by sharing what's happening in my little corner of the world I'll continue to find the positives. Be patient with me and my ramblings...and there will be many ramblings!